I got “The Look”
You know the look of other parent judging you, making an assumption about your parenting skills or even just looking down on you. Yes that one, which is accompanied with a scorn, a head shake and or a whisper to a nearby friend. The look which results in you squirming on a bench in the neighborhood park, when you re-think the last twenty minutes of your parenting decisions or even when you tell yourself… I don’t need this right now. Yes-that look.
At the end of a long Thursday, I picked my daughter from school after work and instead of heading home went over to our neighborhood park. The sun was shining, the ground did not show signs of the recent downpour and our dinner menu was going to be simple. Why not go to the park before home? I asked myself. As expected, my daughter jumped in excitement, finished her snack before we got to the park and ran to the slides. I did my customary check around the park to ensure there was no suspicious van or a person who did not belong there. Then, I succumbed to my day, and just slumped on the bench while admiring my daughter climbing the big jungle gym all by herself. I sipped on my water and heard my phone buzzing. I picked the blackberry and checked my email. I smiled, it was from my husband saying he is going to be home early. I replied, “Yay! Love you, See you soon.” Then I hit send and looked up.
Right then, the mother across from me, with one kid tied to the hip and the other pulling her in the park, gave me “the look”. I was red-faced and in midst of zillions of thoughts through my head – I felt guilty of being “that mom who is glued to crackberry Blackberry”. The rest of the thirty minutes of our stay at the park were very uncomfortable for me. Every couple of minutes she or her friend would look at me, whisper and (I think) snicker. Maybe they were admiring the tree behind which grew money (!)… but I really did not appreciate their nonverbal criticism.
It didn’t help my case that they could not hear my daughter running to me after conquering the slides: “Mummy I did it, you sit and I go! Watch!” I could not justify that my daughter likes to explore on her own, she is getting to be Miss Independent. I could not explain that I am trying not to be a helicopter parent. I could not convey that my daughter has not seen her father at dinner time for weeks now… I had to email him back. I could not defend my work clothes, or lack of wipes or my park unpreparedness. I was guilty already… and was punished with “the look”.
Aaah! Such Fun. My daughter and I left the park eventually. I was still very preoccupied with the harsh judgment. My daughter asked me to bend down, I obeyed. She planted a big kiss on my cheek, hugged me and said, “I had fun at park, I enjoyed!”
“The Look” aside… mission accomplished.
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Category: Mom Challenges
I’m sorry they judged you… It’s hard to remember that we don’t understand or know people based upon one moment of observation. Obviously, they are not meant to be your friends. Would you want them for your friends, anyway?
Glad you guys got to have dinner together! I understand how exciting that is when it’s rare.
Isn’t possible that you imagined this? I can’t imagine a mom judging another mom for taking one call on her cell phone. I sometimes think that we are harder on ourselves than anyone else.
You’re being too hard on yourself, maybe they were whispering, “Look at that mom, she’s really got it together, worked all day and now she’s enjoying the park with her little girl, oh I miss those days don’t you?” In the end what really mattered was that you DID take your daughter to the park, it’s what she will remember.
Don’t be so hard on you… back in the days when my guy was a little one there were no smartphones and I often got “The Look” for DAYDREAMING (whats for dinner, what needs washing, did I feed the dog blah blah blah) I agree with everyone else … if she has a great day you did your job…
Garima, forget the look! You’re the best mommy I know!!! (
I’ve been known to give that look but usually only if someone is truly glue to their phone, like been at the park for 2 hours and hasn’t stopped talking, waves of their kid in annoyance etc or when they’re child is repeatedly rude to other kids and goes uncorrected because no one is paying any attention. But if you simply answered one call and spent the rest of the time watching your daughter, I agree with some others in that maybe you read something into that wasn’t there. I suppose if you really felt like they were talking about you more than once then the chances probably are that they were but maybe one of them swore they knew you and was trying to figure out from where? Ok, I’ll admit that I’m usually not one to assume the best of people myself and I know I wouldn’t if it were me. But honestly if they were that judgmental that one call garnered repeated looks etc you gotta assume they their own guilt going on or something. That’s when you make a comment like, “it’s so nice when they get a little older and they want to be independent.” you don’t stoop to their level but let them know you know they’re watching you!
Oh pulleeez, I am so tired of moms being so judgmental and catty. I always say that each mother has the right to raise her own unique child. I have tattoos and my toddler loves to wear different shoes, costumes and his own fake tattoos. Can you imagine the looks I get for that?
Shake it off, if she is bothered by you then she needs to get a life
i don’t watch my school-age kid at the park much at all. to be honest i don’t feel like i should even be there at her age but today’s social mores sort of frowning on sending her down the block and across the street without an adult so there i sit. i don’t look up unless i hear crying though. one of these days — hopefully soon — i won’t even be there so it’s time to get used to it.