Someday, You’ll Understand
Dear Upset Mom to One Toddler at Brookfield Zoo,
Hey! How are things? Are you enjoying your quiet morning? Did you have fun at the zoo yesterday? Can I please interrupt your day for a minute to pass on some advice and send out a plea?
Guess what? Someday, your sweet 2-year-old boy will turn 11. I know! It’s shocking to think about. No new mom ever really believes that she will be a parent to an older child, but (by the grace of God), it happens.
Someday, your son will be awkward and stumbling; his feet too big for his legs and voice too loud for polite conversation. Someday, you will be forever reminding him to cover his nose with his elbow when he sneezes. Someday, you will have to wrangle him into the bathroom for showers and sniff under his arms to make sure that he DID put on deodorant. Someday, you will spend more time apologizing for his bumbling actions and responses than you currently do. After all, everyone expects a 2 year old boy to be noisy, active and needy; When he grows as tall as you are (overnight, I swear), people suddenly expect him to be polite, coordinated and mature.
Sadly, there is no magical formula that will allow this to happen. All children (yours included) become awkward. At varying ages and for varying lengths of time, all kids are, well, weird. Be prepared! You WILL be witness to embarrassing experiences where you can’t believe that it was YOUR child involved. Some day, some random woman at the polar bear window at the zoo may just stare down your own son because he had no clue that his excitement over the animals would intrude upon your experience.
Someday, you will notice another person watching your innocent baby with a disgusted fear of his pre-teen antics.
Someday, your heart will break at witnessing such hatred for something so unintentional as invading your personal space.
Please remember that every pre-teen and teenager is someone’s baby. Each is just a child in a body that is growing faster than they are prepared for. Please try to have the understanding and kindness for them that you currently expect and receive for your two-year-old son. For all too soon, the shoe will be on your foot.
No related posts.
Category: Mom Challenges, teens
Ah, Tracy, I know exactly what you’re talking about. My older two boys are almost 13 and 11, and we’ve been getting those looks for years now. And since they also have younger siblings, we hang out a lot at parks and other places where small kids play. They’re nice kids, not intentionally rough, but loud and boisterous and energetic as boys are–just on a louder, bigger scale than toddlers. But you know, even if we didn’t have small kids to coax us out to the park, my big boys are *boys* too, not men. They have a need and a right to play at the park.
Great post Tracy! It is so true that tweens are just like toddlers in over sized bodies in many respects. Sorry to hear you had a bad experience at the zoo.
Wow! Great job and well said. Bravo!
Having been on BOTH sides of that equation, I feel your pain. Just know there is no cure – it always has and always will continue to happen – as long as there are kids.
I LOVE this post. LOVE.
That is all.
As the mom of three boys who are still on the young side, including one 2 year old I will openly say I KNOW I’ve given many teen and preteen kids that very same look and I’m sure I’m guilty of shooting them at some “good” kids. But sadly, at least around here there are so many that are NOT simply a little over excited but are truly and honestly rude. I’m all for understanding that 12 or 13 doesn’t mean they are men, heck even real men need to get out and play from time to time but I DO expect that a 12 year old would not trample my 2 year old because he’s too preoccupied with his own fun to care. I expect it from almost 8 year old who looks more he’s 10 (and talks like it so talk about someone expecting more).
Please don’t mistake this as directed at you personally, but sometimes I think way too many people take the “boys will be boys” idea and simply make that equal no expectation of respect or manners. If my 7 or 6 year old get overly excited and do something I deem inappropriate, I correct it, and expect that they will apologize to whomever they’ve cut off, pushed past etc. I’d personally don’t expect much slack for my 2 year old as he clearly has some learning left to do, but he is understanding of right and wrong and knows that when he acts inappropriately he must apologize or he will be removed from the situation.
I know those “looks.” My oldest daughter is 9 and still acts very silly and immature at times. During a recent trip to the supermarket, she fought with her 3 yr old sister over sitting in the car-shaped shopping cart! I was mortified by her behavior, but I realized she’s just a kid. Growing up is hard!
Amen, Tracey. My younger boys are 12 & 13. They’re good boys, but clueless. I remind them constantly about everything. As a result, I’m sure they only hear 1/10th of what I say. They smell, they’re loud, they’re self-absorbed, and they’re learning. They also get angry and embarrassed when I correct them in public. If it’s needed, I require them to apologize for rude or inappropriate behavior, but often that discussion is best left for quieter, more private moments.
Just wait, there’s more fun to come in the teen years.
You brought a tear to my eye today. My “baby” is just a few months shy of 11, taller than me, and has been the recipient of “that look” from strangers a time or two. Thanks for such a poignant look at pre-adolescence.
Oh, I smiled while reading this!!
Steph
My son just turned two on Friday and I’ve been consumed with thoughts of him aging. This was so timely for me to read. Thanks!
Oh, this was awesome, a wonderful thing to read at the end of a long day.
I just have to say, that comment you left on my post about feeling badly that my little boy couldn’t ask for a backpack was totally eye-opening. You’re right. Max may have challenges, but yeah, he gets to do some pretty awesome things. Thank you for that bit o’ wisdom. You are a smart lady.
very good post!
i find i am getting some LOOKS already for my ‘unshy’ 4yo…
As the mom of two young boys, you have given me some insight to the future…I’ll try to hold on for the bumpy ride!
Oh, this is wonderful! And it’s a point of view I hadn’t given much thought to and will now be more empathetic because of. I love the idea that every awkward teen and tween is somebody’s baby and one day will be my own babies.
And why am I not surprised that someone agreed with the person you directed this post at? Ugh… I hate parents like that.
I LOVE this post!! It’s not “boys will be boys” it’s children will be children. I feel so sorry for the children of people who can’t or refuse to understand that. If you don’t like my kids’ excitement, then walk away. It’s the ZOO, for heaven’s sake – he’s SUPPOSED to be excited! GAH!!
Oh and for the record, my children are frequently complimented on their behavior and manners in public. By complete strangers. I expect appropriate behavior from them, but I also expect them to be kids. Cuz, um… they are.
Sorry, Tracey, I’m not as nice as you are.
I try to be understanding of all parents, regardless of how old their children are, because as you say, too soon I will be in their shoes and I can only hope there will be someone smiling at me as I try to navigate the world with my child rather than frowning.
I cried! (nasty hormones) Great post, you hit it right on the head, Tracey!!!
*sniff* So true. And so from the heart. There is a huge HUGE difference between an awkward tween/teen growing into themselves and a flat out rude/unruly teenager. I think many people forget that.
I am so sad and upset by this this, what a horrible thing to have to experience. Did she notice your hurt? I’m not sure if I could have kept my mouth shut even if it was to just say “he is your future”. Well your right, she’ll understand someday. Your son is lucky to have you for a mother!
As a grandmother of grandsons, and mother of two daughters- I was shocked by boys . They are the stereotypes of boys- wanting to blow everything up, pushing and shoving and hitting – just for play. I have watched my grandsons at 11 on the cusp of their voice’s changing , and as you said – just a giant version of their two year old self.
Cathy Jo Cress
http://momlovesyoubest.wordpress.com/
You guys made me smile this morning. Thanks for the wonderful comments. They made my day!
LOVE this.
SO true! And also a really good reminder for me, I have trouble with that awkward stage. Thanks for the kick in the head!
Excellent post, one that I need to remember as a mother of small kids (though, as a former ninth grade teacher, I think I’m pretty patient with adolescents) who will some day be big kids.
Good advice in general, right, that every kid is somebody’s “baby.” Thanks.
Hear, Hear!!!
We have experienced this many times with my son — he’s always been a bit big for his age, so people always assume he’s older. When someone is staring like that, I usually end up saying something like “OH I KNOW, RIGHT?! This 8-year-old boy is SO CRAZY! I’m so glad he’s having a blast, though, this aquarium [or wherever] is AMAZING, isn’t it?”
I just am not very good at sitting by and watching someone give anyone a passive aggressive dirty look without saying something about it. Especially when it involves a “look down their nose” kind of person. What can I say, my filter’s broken. Don’t have a lot of tolerance for this sort of thing.
Great post!!