Trying To Soak It All In
I don’t know about you, but parenting is quite a whirlwind!
As a single parent, it is a whirlwind times two!
My problem comes in trying to soak it all in.
14 years later, I continue to make every effort in NEVER missing a game.
The urge to be present for every word he writes during homework, every cough and every single dream seems to intensify. Is it possible to love someone more and more each day?
I still feel that I do not do enough.
Being both parents has not been tough for me. I am sure there have been times he longed for his father at a parent meeting or after a performance by the side of the stage, but he never, not once, has ever complained.
His father makes it when he can, I suppose… I never stand still long enough to fret about it. Thankfully, a practice I imposed early on ~ Live With No Regrets, has serviced me well.
Our marriage was what it was. It ended and that’s that.
My love for my son has blossomed and soared like no one thing I have ever experienced!
Often I feel as though I want to be like that little Chinese dragon, Mushu, that Eddie Murphy played in the Disney movie Mulan. Riding his shoulder for the journey, inputting if needed in every step of the way, inhaling each moment, not always participating, simply witnessing and chronicling the miracle.
Each parent must have that euphoria and rapture where you are simply so overjoyed by the glory of what you have been allowed to witness you could burst. Reveling in the good situations as well as the bad.
As my guy heads off to high school this week, I can’t help but wonder where this all will leave me – leave us. Cutting the ties this summer, invoking the freedom necessary to allow a young man to take flight, has been gloriously heart-wrentching.
A woman raising a man, the mothering of my son, has all been so fast paced. I feel guilty at what has been bestowed upon me because I sometimes feel unworthy.
I can only hope that I’ve done a good job, made a way, encouraged a calling and nurtured a soul to be all that it can be.
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Category: Mom Challenges, School, Summer, teens, Uncategorized
I’m not sure any parent feels like he/she does enough. Even though there are two of us, my husband and I still feel like we would like to do so much more. Not the “buy stuff” kind of more, but the experiences kind of more that you mention. The best you can do is accept that you are doing your best and realize you cannot do it all. It sounds like you’re doing that, so step back and enjoy!
Shari,
Thanks for your comment. You’re right! I plan on enjoying every second – you do the same and Happy School Year!
I don’t think we will ever feel we’ve done “enough” as parents. I’m hoping maybe when they have become happy adults…maybe? But I know even though I have my husband,I work full time and it breaks my heart to have to tell my boys that I can’t chaperon a field trip or be a room parent. But I do what I can…like PTO, Cub Scout leader, Children’s Ministry team leader at our church and Team Parent for ds2′s soccer team.
And add to that have 3 kids, its complicated being there for everything. But I think what matters is our kids seeing us doing our best.
Lisa,
I’m sure that you’re right … we will always feel we can SOMEHOW do more – as if we have more minutes than anyone else. Sounds like your plate is a platter!
Stay strong, thanks for commenting and let’s dig in for this next school year ride!
Dwana – you are such a wonderful mom and you have an awesome son! As parents, I don’t think we can ever feel like we’ve done enough, but seeing how your son interact with you and people around him – I think you’ve done the most important part, and that is to love him and let him know he’s loved.
Thanks MJ, that means the world to me coming from you (SuperupallnightMom)!!! Seriously … you inspire me.