It’s Not Over Till It’s Over …
… and it’s never over. Parenting, that is.
I knew this. I really did. I have two step children who are 29 and almost 32 (and who I love dearly), so I know that the parenting gig never really ends, the issues just change. You become more of a consultant — but that doesn’t mean the worrying abates. Business consultants get to go home after work, play with their kids and forget about their clients. Not so for those of us who have become parental consultants.
My oldest son is 19. He graduated from high school in June. He’s a bright guy who hasn’t figured out his life plan … yet. I get a little panicky, because the world is telling me he should be at a particular point on his journey. But this particular boy has never followed the expected path. He was born at 24 weeks and suffered some significant delays, as well as some learning disabilities. The thing is, we have never encountered anything that he can’t do, just things he couldn’t do yet. In other words, he eventually gets there, but on his own timetable. I need to remember that.
I also need to remember that he is probably not the only 19-year-old boy (young man) who has not figured out his life yet. Or even the next step in his life. In fact, I know he isn’t. I need to remind myself that that’s OK. He has time.
When he was very little and still on the NICU, I kept a daily journal. I have been reliving that time while writing a memoir and posting those journal entries on a new blog. About this time 19 years ago, my son got very, very sick. Most of his medical team did not believe he would survive. One day, I wrote the following in his journal:
“I’d do anything to help you through this. Anything. But this is something you have to do yourself. Be strong, son. Life is worth it. There are such wondrous and joyous things … I won’t let you down. I’m here for you, big guy. Let me help you. I promise life is better than what you have known so far.”
Who knew that my younger self would step up to help me parent him now? All I have to do is follow my own good advice — be there for him, help and support him, but realize that this is something he has to do himself.
It’s never over. It’s always hard. But aren’t we lucky to be along for the ride?
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Category: Mom Challenges, New Posts, teens
SO lucky.
I love that you have a journal from those days.
what an amazing journal to have to look back on!!! whether they are 9 or 19, ahead of the curve or slightly behind it, its hard to step back and let them do their thing sometimes!!! I never imagined how hard parenting would be. the things I expected to be hard are often harder than I could have imagined and there is a whole host of things i never even considered would be hard!!!
As someone who spent years in doctors’ office trying to concieve, I always feel lucky. It’s an amazing thing to watch children grow and to be able to guide them on the path is such a huge responsibility and privilege.