An Open Letter to Abercrombie & Fitch

| May 22, 2013 | Comments (3)

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Dear Abercrombie & Fitch,

I have recently learned that you do not make clothes in larger sizes because you feel that if your clothes appeared on teen girls who happen to wear a size 12 this would somehow hurt your brand.  You only want “cool kids” to wear your clothes.

 I could point out to you that cool girls come in all sizes.  I could mention that insulting your customers is bad for business.  I could point out the increasing number of young women who cannot wear your clothes who have their own television shows.

 But I am not going to do that, because I have a better plan.

 I am going to wear your clothes.

Oh, yes, I can and will actually get into your pants.  I am a size 4.  And if you think curvy teens are going to hurt your brand you have yet to see what damage a 47 year old accountant can do.  I fully understand the fact that your low slung jeans were not intended for my  post childbirth abdomen.  But now you have decided that my nephew’s beautiful girlfriend, who sings lead in a rock band is somehow a risk to your brand.  You want a risk to your brand, you need to see my size four stomach in your pants.  Or should I say spilling over your pants since while I have lost the baby fat, that flap of extra skin hangs over my underpants and most certainly will hang over your jeans.

Just think of your branded T-shirts worn with my nice beige cargo shorts and sensible shoes.

You think a 16 year old with curves is not sexy?  You have not seen me from behind in beige bermudas, with varicose veins snaking through the backs of my knees.

You may think that I have too much dignity to do this.  You are wrong.  You are telling 15 year old girls who are already insecure about their bodies that just because they wear a larger size they are so uncool and unsexy that you will not even deign to sell them overpriced pants.  You are afraid your bottom line will be hurt because the cool kids might move on to another brand.  You want to know what will make the cool kids abandon a brand faster than anything?  Seeing their mom’s friends in it. Trust me, everything we do is embarrassing.  How long do you think the mean girl is going to dress like a middle-aged Trekkie accountant?

 This is your last chance to see the light.  Cool and sexy is not about a dress size. Or an age, Or wrinkles.  Coolness is about being brave, interesting and true.  So sure, I will look really bad in your clothes, but the mere fact that I am willing to embarrass myself for something I believe in is far sexier than any pants you could ever make.

So here is my suggestion.  You accept exhorbitant amounts of money and make pants for all girls including those who would have been recognized for their beauty in the Renaissance.  Otherwise my small army of uncool, over the hill, size fours will ransack the secondhand shops and buy and wear your clothes.

And it will NOT be pretty

Sincerely

Me

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About cthallagan: You can find Christina at http://humbugstew.com/ View author profile.

Comments (3)

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  1. Well said ….wish I could join your protest but my new grandmother mature shape does not permit but maybe I will buy a pair of men’s size cargo shorts!

  2. Dwana says:

    Ha love this!

  3. Susan Drone says:

    Hilarious, as usual, Christina! Way to communicate some serious much needed enlightening points with your dry, intelligent and informed velvet hammer style. Let the ransacking begin.

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